


i couldn't save him

by revolution_but_civilization



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Chekov's like 20, Death, Emotionally Hurt Leonard "Bones" McCoy, Hyposprays, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I love Chekov but whoops, I wasn't very nice to him in this story, I'm Sorry, M/M, Not Beta Read, Radioactivity Poisioning, So probably really crappy, badly written russian accent, it's fine, medical bay, or something
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:54:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26091454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revolution_but_civilization/pseuds/revolution_but_civilization
Summary: Bones is used to losing patients (it comes with the job), but never anyone as close to him as Chekov.
Relationships: Pavel Chekov/Leonard "Bones" McCoy
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	1. Chapter 1

“He’s burning up.”

“41.1 degrees. Doctor—”

“ _Damn_. Get me an aspirin hypo, stat.”

“Doctor—”

“Tell the captain to put a ban on missions to… to where was it? Parm something?”

Nurse Chapel grabbed Bones’ arm, stilling him from his frantic bustle around the biobed in which Chekov lay. “Parnassos X, and I already did so. Doctor. Look at me.”

“What is it?” Bones snapped, turning to face her.

The woman blanched, but continued. “Doctor, he’s…” She gestured towards the vitals monitor. “His kidneys are failing, his pulse is way down, and there’s severe internal bleeding in his abdomen.”

“What are you suggesting, nurse?”

“We’re… we’re going to lose him.”

Bones balled his hands into fists, dropping them down on the supply cart. “We can’t,” he whispered. “ _I_ can’t.” He looked back up, jaw clenched and a fire behind his eyes. “I can’t lose him. Nurse, the hypo, _now_.”

Nurse Chapel wordlessly passed the hypo to Bones. The man worked frantically around the biobed, administering hypos and running the medical scanner over Chekov’s forehead, muttering, “I _can’t_ ,” all the while.

After the second aspirin dose, the energy seemed to run out of Bones in a flash. He slumped down to his knees beside the biobed. “I can’t.”

“Doctor, are you alright…?” Nurse Chapel ventured tentatively.

“No.” Bones pushed himself up to his feet, his expression looking lost. “We… what can we do at this point?” He glanced around the interior of the glass partition. “We could give him an adrenaline hypo. That’d make him conscious, wouldn’t it? It would.”

“It’d lessen the amount of time that he has left, Doctor.”

Bones fixed her with a serious stare. “He doesn’t have much time as is. I want to say goodbye.”

“Alright.” Nurse Chapel pursed her lips as she grabbed the hypo and carefully administered it. The two doctors stood in silence for several seconds, staring down at Chekov on the biobed, before Bones huffed out a sigh and started pulling off his PPE.

Nurse Chapel grabbed his arm, shaking her head as she did so. “Radioactivity, remember? If you’re going to take your equipment off, you can’t be in here.” She gestured to the glass wall surrounding the small area.

“I don’t want him to see me last with all this on,” Bones said, his voice cracking. “Not… not like this, not a reminder that for all _this_ I couldn’t save him.”

“Go out there, Len.” Nurse Chapel patted Bones on the shoulder. “You’ll be right there, and you can see him.”

Bones swallowed hard, then nodded, sliding one of the glass panels to the side and stepping out before reclosing it.

“He’s coming to.” Nurse Chapel fiddled with the monitor once more, before giving Bones a pitying look and exiting the partition herself. “I’ll leave you to it.”

“Thank you.” Bones didn’t even look up at the woman as she walked off, keeping his gaze fixed on Chekov’s fluttering eyelashes.

The young man blinked at the ceiling a few times before turning his hazel eyes towards Bones. “Leo?”

“Hey, kid.” Bones moved reflexively closer to the glass separating them, as though he could reach Chekov if he just, _just_ was close enough.

Chekov’s face split into a lopsided, bright smile. “Hey!” He coughed once, then his face fell. “Ze mission didn’t go vell.”

“I know.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, darling.” Bones sighed and leaned his forehead on the glass pane. “I’ll yell at Jim later for letting you go.”

“Nyet, please don’t.”

Bones almost laughed. “Maybe not.” He glanced over Chekov. “How’re you feeling?”

“Could be better.” Chekov tried to prop himself up on his elbow to reach eye level with Bones, but faltered.

“Hey kid, don’t do that.” Bones squatted down to make their eyes even. “Lay back down.”

“Okay.”

“Good.”

An awkward silence fell, Bones glaring down at his hands and Chekov staring at the ceiling.

“Hey, Pavel.” Bones waited until Chekov turned his face towards him, then forced a smile. “You’re beautiful.”

Chekov grinned. “You too.” A realization seemed to pass over him. “I am… I am not doing vell, aren’t I?”

Bones bit the inside of his cheek, before he nodded. “Your systems are failing. We believe you received an extremely high dose of radioactivity on the mission, which was compounded by the injuries you sustained. And… you’re… no, I don’t want to scare you.”

“I am not scared.”

“Course not. Well, kid, to put it straight…” Bones’ gaze darted from side to side before he spit out the sentence. “You’re dying. Rapidly.”

“Oh.”

“And, darling, believe me, I tried my very, very best.” Bones raked a frantic hand through his hair. “I promise, Pavel. I wouldn’t just… let you go without trying. I _promise_.” He was starting to tear up, and didn’t notice Chekov’s hand pressed against the glass for several seconds. “I wasn’t… I wasn’t good enough. I couldn’t… I _can’t_ save you.”

“Oh, Leo.” Chekov’s tone was soft, and Bones looked up to see a sad smile on the young man’s face.

Bones raised his own hand to press opposite Chekov’s on the glass, hoping that this gesture would somehow be enough.

“Eet’s not your fault,” Chekov murmured, his eyelids flickering down and back up. “Not your fault.”

“No, no, kid, stay with me.”

“‘M here.”

“Now _stay_. Please.”

Chekov blinked hard but nodded. “I’m trying.”

“Good. Good.” Bones pressed his forehead against the glass again, trying to ingrain the image of Chekov in his memory before it was too late. “I love you. _I love you_.”

“Mm.” Chekov’s mumble was even fainter now, and his eyes were slipping shut. Bones’ lungs constricted and his heart almost skipped a beat. 

“No. Darling. C’mon, Pavel, look at me.”

There was no response, and Bones moved himself even closer to the glass like that would revive Chekov. “C’mon, kid. You can’t do this to me.”

Chekov’s hand slipped down the glass, finally falling to dangle limply off the side of the biobed.

“No, no,” Bones pleaded, his eyes burning with unwanted tears. “No, Pavel, _no_. Damn it, Pavel, _you can’t do this_!” He slammed a fist against the glass, causing the partition to rattle, but Chekov remained dreadfully still and silent. “You can’t do this to me!”

A soft hand settled on each of Bones’ shoulders. “Doctor,” Nurse Chapel said carefully.

“I lost him.” Bones crumpled down to a seated position and looked up at the nurse with red eyes. “I _lost_ him, dammit! I couldn’t save him!”

“Shh, shh.” Nurse Chapel rubbed soothing circles on Bones’ back as the man sobbed.

“Even with all this, I couldn’t save him!”

“I know.”

“It hurts.”

“I know.”

Bones buried his head in his arms and mumbled under his breath. “I’m so sorry, Pavel.”


	2. Chapter 2

Bones stormed out of the turbolift with a glare in his eyes.

“Bones!” Kirk cheered, not picking up on the man’s anger. “You’re done in sickbay?”

“Yes.” Bones slammed his hands down on the armrest of the captain’s chair as all the officers on the bridge held their collective breaths. “He’s _dead_ , Jim.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in the interest of full disclosure, i must tell you that this chapter was only written for the 'He's dead, Jim.'


End file.
